Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
