eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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