I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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