I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
