i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
