We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize