Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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