had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
