Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
