made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
