Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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