So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
