'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
