You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
