my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
