i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
