i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
