what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
