she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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