we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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