How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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