It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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