i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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