Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize