Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
