I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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