her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
