As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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