the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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