i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
