I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
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we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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