i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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