Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
