I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize