I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
