I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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