I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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