He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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