Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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