I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
