god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
