You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
