Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is Oprah even human
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
