I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
