dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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