YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
