I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
