who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was like eating out sand paper
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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