he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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