we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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