If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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