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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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