about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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