Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize