well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
