do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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