you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
