She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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