Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
