i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
