in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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