i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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