I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
