My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
