we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
