Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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