Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
