Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
