watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
