I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
