guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
