He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
