I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
