I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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