there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
