when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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