using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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