Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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