I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way