I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.