You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.