Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van