My hand turned me down
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.