why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize