ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?