I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality