Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.