dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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