Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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