Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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