Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
