i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
