Well apparently he's into motor boating.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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