Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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