Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they're like a gay fantastic four
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
