Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
